Off with his beard

The upstairs rooms are no longer habitable because of the heat. All the glue in the John Lewis furniture has melted and the bedroom is just a mass of clothes and bits of Aureli Dressing Table and 3 Drawer Chest.
I’ve invested in a copy of “How To Stay Cool In This Bloody Heat” by some TV guy who always looks like he could do with a good meal.
He suggests putting a block of ice in front of a fan to create the effect of inexpensive Air Conditioning. It really works. I’m sitting here in a Fair Isle jumper and leggings looking like an extra in a Scandinavian detective drama, while all around me people are quite literally melting.
Another tip in that book I plugged is to drink hot drinks rather than cold and to run cold water on your wrists. Only I got it the wrong way round so I’m just waiting for the doctor to come round with some Savlon.
If things don’t start cooling down tomorrow I may have to resort to buying another book – “How To Stay Cool In This Bloody Heat – 2”. It has a DVD with it and a free 12 month subscription to “You Won’t Feel The Benefit When You Go Outside” magazine.
On the plus side, I have shaved off my beard.

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