Sleeping matters

For the past week I’ve been sleeping under the duvet cover without a duvet inside it. I’m not sure if that is legal so I guess I’d better describe it as a double sheet in case the bed police are reading this. I’m pretty sure that my contraption wouldn’t feature on the official Tog scale and it certainly isn’t going to be recognised by the British Bedding Association (Patron: Michael Gambon).

Last night, as temperatures plummeted to 19c, I reintroduced the duvet. It was like sleeping under a Jeffrey Archer novel. I couldn’t roll over and when I eventually fell asleep reading “How to Get the Best Out of Your Quilt”, by Donald Sutherland, I dreamt I was being held down by the gravity of Mars. When I did manage to free a hand, a swarm of hungry moths, hungry Martian moths, started feasting on it. I was trapped. Trapped by a series of events that began with a heatwave and ended with me naively going back to my duvet. Damn you summer.

Farming Today on BBC Radio 4 woke me with a new word of the day – Neonicotinoids. I have no idea what it means/is/does/looks like, but at ten to six in the morning, after a night like I’d had, they could just be making up words for fun, like nominoctics or scappermintium or bjork – or broadcasting in Esperanto or playing yesterday’s programme backwards. In fact most mornings around that time the radio is talking about things I don’t understand, but that’s hardly a surprise as I’m not an actual farmer.

On the plus side, it was good to discover that I wasn’t under a Jeffrey Archer book and that we don’t have one in the house at all for that matter.


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