Home alone

I’m home alone. It’s a recipe for disaster. Fridge doors could be left ajar, soup could be left to burn in the wok and I could easily be distracted and forget I’ve left the bath running.

Michael Crawford’s book “A Phantom’s Guide to Coping On Your Own For Just One Evening”, is full of useful tips. “If you put something in the oven, place a brick on the table nearest the TV. Every time you see the brick, you’ll be reminded about the food in the oven.” I don’t have any bricks. Or anything to cook in the oven.

I’d planned ahead and had a proper meal in town at lunchtime. On the way home I got some bread and a dressed crab, some strawberries and cream and a packet of meringue nests. What could possibly go wrong?

According to Mr Crawford, everything. Sharp knives, allergic reactions to shell fish or strawberries. Even the meringue nest could be housing salmonella. Inadvertently I had purchased the most dangerous meal for one possible. But so far, so good. However the symptoms of salmonella can take up to 72 hours. I’ll be keeping a regular update on Twitter.

While I was crushing the meringue someone knocked on the door. I chose to ignore it as I didn’t want frighten anyone in my safety goggles. They shoved a note through the letter box.

Apparently Darcy, a timid house cat is thought to be lost or trapped in my street. I suddenly felt the loneliness. The line ‘if you see her or know anything (good or bad) then please let us know”, brought a tear to my eye. Just the one, mind, I’m not that bloody soft.

I thought about all the dangers around me and then all the dangers around Darcy and poured some extra thick cream onto my strawberries and meringue and curled up on the sofa in front of the TV, only I couldn’t see it as I’d put the washing basket in front of it to remind me of the bath I’d left running about twenty minutes ago.


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