Categories of bus drivers

Since moving to Norwich I’ve really embraced the whole Public Transport thing. I use the buses most days and, having taken a fair few trips, I have divided up the drivers into twelve categories by the type you are most likely to encounter on your trip to the shops or work or home.

The Pearce

Manages to miss every bus stop by just a couple of feet

The Southgate

Misses stops altogether especially when the bell has been rung by someone wanting to get off.

The Rhett

Doesn’t give a damn about anything including timetables and assembling a neat ten day ticket pass. But at least they do assemble your ten day ticket pass.

The B&Q

Makes you assemble your own ten day ticket pass by providing you with a kit of parts and a handful of small change.

The Richter

They think that what their passengers really need is a good shaking. Especially if they are elderly and trying to negotiate the stairs, so they engage in a special driving technique of jerking their bus from stop to stop.

The Sterling

Drives like they are doing time trials at Snetterton. They speed up when approaching speed humps and corners.

The Knievel

Pulls out in front of moving traffic. Waves through the little side window as they pass the carnage.

The Bean

Slams breaks on at last minute as though surprised to actually see a bus stop on their route. They do this at every stop.

The B&H

Races from stop to stop so that they can then park up for ten minutes to have a cigarette.

The Magoo

This type of driver forgets which route they are on. They go completely the wrong way and continue to do so until passengers alert them. The driver blames someone else before driving down narrow streets trying to find a way back to their route.

The Bungalow

Blissfully unaware that the people upstairs also need to get off.

The Wells

This invisible driver drives the invisible bus. The one that doesn’t come and of which no one dare speak about to the driver of the next one when it arrives twenty minutes later; unless they want to face the wrath of The Rhett.

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